Coffee, Chaos, and the In-Between

You ever hit that weird in-between season where your brain’s spinning but your body’s frozen? That’s me right now.

Told everyone at CI MED I’m leaving. The new job’s around the corner. I should be tying up loose ends and finishing projects… but instead I’m staring at my to-do list like it’s written in another language. ADHD calls it “freeze mode.” I call it Tuesday.

I’m three cups of coffee deep, eating the last of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch straight from the box, and pretending the crockpot dinner counts as having my life together. (Chicken and noodles with Alfredo, because sometimes you just need flavor therapy.)

The weather’s perfect—76 and sunny—the kind of day that makes you think you should be outside doing something inspiring. Instead, I’m half-watching “Good Girls” and half-arguing with the fraud department because apparently buying clothes for three kids back-to-back looks suspicious.

We went to the pumpkin patch Sunday—my mom, my sister, and the nieces. It was nice, but it didn’t feel the same without Kelly. She’s at that age where her absence leaves a weird quiet in the middle of everything. You feel it more in the moments that are supposed to be simple.

Maverick’s living his best horse life, thanks to Ella. Gibbs? Still waiting on me to get my act together. I miss riding him, but time feels like quicksand lately.

And then there’s my body—shrinking, shifting, adjusting. I miss my curves, but I don’t miss the exhaustion that came with them. It’s weird learning a new version of yourself when your old one is still loud in your head.

Anyway, I deleted Snapchat. No reason. Just felt like a move. Maybe it’s my way of clearing space—digitally, emotionally, whatever.

So yeah. If you’re also stuck in the middle of everything, finishing your coffee before deciding what to care about next, same.