West Hollywood inspiration

This morning I was driving and Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan came on.

And I laughed. Out loud.

Because if you had told younger me that this would be the song that cracked something open in my brain, I would have said absolutely not. That song is taboo where I come from. The story, the vibe, the freedom. All of it sits squarely outside the box I was raised in.

But there I was, nodding along, thinking… why does this feel so good?

And I realized it had nothing to do with the song being shocking or rebellious. It had everything to do with permission. And disclaimer here - no, I don't support strip clubs... female empowerment - that courage... that's what I'm game for... keep reading - hear me out.

I grew up learning how to fit. How to dress so no one raised an eyebrow. How to act so I didn’t stand out. How to believe the right things, want the right things, and chase the right version of success. Brown boots. Predictable choices. Church on schedule.

Always respectable. Always contained.

And then one day, I saw the heels. IYKYK.

Not practical.

Not subtle.

A little sexy. Definitely not “me”… except they were.

So I bought them. My favorite ones ever.

And then I went a step further. I wore the leather pants. Black nail polish. Four inch colorful snakeskin heels.

The whole thing.

And here’s the part people don’t tell you. Nothing bad happened. The world didn’t end. I didn’t lose myself. I found her.

That was already happening in other parts of my life. I walked away from religion as an toxic institution after growing up Lutheran and evangelical. That was terrifying. And freeing. I stopped staying in jobs that drained me and kept changing paths until I found work I actually enjoy and that pays me what I am worth. I stopped settling.

I started businesses without knowing how they would turn out. Some failed. Some worked. All of them taught me that I am capable of figuring things out as I go.

And I do all of this with my kids in mind.

Because they are watching. They learn what to tolerate by what I tolerate. They learn what is possible by what I am brave enough to try. If I want them to live boldly, I have to live boldly. If I want them to break generational patterns, I have to be willing to break mine first.

I reach out to people who feel out of my league. I say hello first. I follow leaders I admire. I put myself in rooms where I am still growing into who I want to be. Because that is how you expand. You do not wait until you feel ready. You move, and readiness follows.

Stepping out of the box I lived in for so long feels like a deep breath I did not know I was holding.

So this is me saying, if something lights you up and scares you a little, pay attention. Buy the shoes. Wear the pants. Change the job. Start the thing. Walk away from what no longer fits.

Not to shock anyone.

Not to rebel for the sake of it.

But because life feels bigger when you stop shrinking yourself.

And because someone is watching you. It just may be that little girl inside of you asking for permission.